Roxy sighed as a tear slid silently down her cheek. She knew that it would be over if she told him, but honesty and being up front with people had always been so important to her. How could she live with herself if she didn’t tell him? Not telling him would be lying by omission, and she was determined not to lie.
With tears falling freely down her face, she slowly dialed his number. When he answered, she choked up so much she didn’t think she would get the words out, “I have to tell you something.” His reply was, “I think I already know, but what is it?”
“I’ve tried so hard to keep this on the level that we agreed on, ‘friends with benefits’, and I’ve truly been alright with it, until now. I’ve developed feelings for you and I can’t deny them any longer. I’ve tried. And I know that by telling you this, you will want to end it.” By this time, her eyes were so full of tears she could barely see.
“You’re right,” he responded, “you knew what this was from the beginning, sex and fun, with no strings.”
“If I can get my perspective back, would you give me another chance? I know that in the back of your mind, you would always wonder if it would happen again, but I promise I’ll be ok with it.”
“You really don’t want to get involved with me, I really am an asshole.” He said quietly, “I don’t deserve the tears you are crying.”
“You are NOT an asshole! Never to me, not once.”
“Roxy, I am just a big dick.”
“Not a good analogy Bill, really.” She dead-panned.
Roxy was trying for humor even though she felt that familiar pain in her heart. They both chuckled. The conversation went on for a couple more minutes, then she said good bye and hung up.
Heading straight for the kitchen, getting the vodka and orange juice out of the refrigerator, she poured herself a double strong one and started drinking. She went out onto her deck and sat down, crying and trying to make sense of it all. “Damn it! Vodka always makes me think, but NEVER in the order that I need it to be in, not until tomorrow when it will all fall into place.” But she needed the comfort and assurance now, not in 24 hours. Well, hell, I’m crying and now it starts raining! So she went inside and poured herself another one. Drinking even more and trying to block the memories of the past few weeks. (Yeah, like that was going to happen.)
It had started out as friendship. They were sitting in a bar, just a couple of the regulars, when some guy she didn’t know came staggering up to her and asked her about a one night stand. Roxy’s answer was, “I don’t do one night stands, I am not into casual sex.” Bill had laughed and said, “Me neither, 2 or 3 nights, but never just one.” After that, she just wanted to be around him. He was always making her laugh, and feel really good about herself. He blushed whenever she would say something even the slightest bit dirty, which was funny to her. Her favorite time was when the karaoke DJ played Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry for her, and she announced to Bill that she was wearing the thong that she had bought at the Buck Cherry concert right then.
She always made sure that she was dressed nice, but not too over the top, she didn’t want to overdo it. Then one Saturday night, she got a call telling her to get her ass up to the bar. So, she changed her shirt, put on her baseball cap and headed up to the bar. That was the first time he asked her to come home with him. She laughed and told him that she had been dressing up a little for him to notice her and it was her ratty baseball cap that did him in.
That night was amazing. She had never had a lover who was so in tune with her needs without asking her what she wanted or what she liked in a very long time. He knew exactly what buttons to push to make her come like a fucking freight train. At one point, he had her ankles up by his head hitting that spot that made her damn near scream. His favorite form of torture was to just put the tip just inside, and moving very slowly, waiting for her to beg…making her whimper like a puppy. But he loved the sounds she made so he did this often. He also would run his hands over her arms and back, just barely skimming her skin, this always caused shivers, more coming and occasionally, an orgasm or two. She was barely able to walk after their marathon sex sessions, but she had to. Staying the night too often was too much like dating and that wasn’t part of the agreement.
Texting Bill was fun. She could say things that she might not be able to say out loud to him, but had so much fun with that aspect of their “relationship”. In one conversation, she told him how the elements just “do it” for her. You know, thunderstorms, rain, fog, snow, water of any sort, but that she had never joined the mile high club. She told him that she wanted to fuck in the rain, feeling the rain on her back like hundreds of fingertips skimming her skin, but that wasn’t feasible where he lived, so she suggested that she show up wearing the “fuck me” boots (Black knee high boots with silver buckles and 5 ½ inch stiletto heels. Bill was the one who named the boots.), sexy lingerie and her black trench coat, he liked the idea, so she did it. The look on his face was priceless when he opened the door and saw her standing there wearing the trench coat opened just enough to expose a little leg, well, the boots at least.
He drew her into the house, closed and locked the door, then knelt down in front of her removing her underwear, then the bra, “Leave the boots and the coat on, he breathed into her ear.” They were in the bedroom by now and he bent her over the bed and took her from behind. The whole experience of it had her almost mindless and screaming. Yes, he is that good.
It was a few days later, in the bar that he bought her drinks for her. She was broke, trying to catch up on bills after some pretty rough months, but things were getting better, it was just taking time. They were laughing and talking and writing dirty one liners on the little white board in the bar. Hers had been, “The wolf told Little Red Riding Hood, ‘Bitch suck my dick!’” She said, “Dude, don’t change the story, you’re supposed to eat me!” He again, blushed but laughed. They always laughed, even in bed.
While they were talking, she told him that she had a smart assed, but sort of serious question to ask him. So, she looked him in the eyes and asked, “Does this count as the 2nd night, or is it a freebee?” He told her that he really wasn’t sure. After a couple more drinks, she told him that she really needed to get home and to bed. It had been a long week, and it was only Tuesday. When she got home, she texted him to let him know that she had made it safely. That started the next round of “erotic” texts.
He asked her to come to his place, she said that they both needed their sleep. His next text made her smile and start to get a little warm, it simply stated, “Sleep is over rated, I should have went back to your place.” She reminded him that she knew where he lived and was fully capable of getting there. The next text got her hot, “Then stop texting me and get over here”, then, “Wear the boots.” By this time, she had already stripped down to a t shirt and a thong which was a little damp from the texting, and the request. She quickly grabbed her ripped up jeans, zipped up the boots and practically ran out the door.
He was at the door waiting as soon as she got out of her truck. That night, they fucked like rabbits. So many positions, so little time, but she was bound and determined to change his mind about the 2 or 3 nights, and she had a plan. Nothing devious mind you, simply beneficial for the both of them. But it wasn’t the proposition she wanted to think about right now, it was the details of that night.
Once she got inside the door and he had shut and locked it, he pinned her against it and kissed her, it was demanding, overpowering and she could feel her knees going weak. He kissed her mouth until she was sure her lips were swollen, he then kissed her cheeks, her ear lobes, then lower to her neck and the tops of her shoulders, knowing what this did to her.
She put her purse down and he had her shirt pulled over her head before she could say a word. More kisses, he started at her shoulders where he had left off. Leaving a trail of kisses across her collarbone, down to her breasts (this memory made her snort with laughter because in her own opinion of herself, she didn’t really have breasts…they were really small, but with very large nipples. Her nipples were a constant source of embarrassment when she was younger, but had met a couple of men who were in absolute heaven over that aspect of her body.) Bill didn’t seem to mind them; in fact, he made it a point of paying the most delicious attention to them, usually leaving her gasping for air.
At some point one of them had removed her bra, but she couldn’t remember which one of them had done it. As he had been kissing her and enjoying the feast of the nipples, he had been guiding her to the bedroom where she had undone the button and zipper on her jeans, as she was taking them off, he told her to put the boots back on. She discovered that these boots, for whatever reason, made her feel confident, almost powerful, and this was one hell of a power trip. After the “second round” she giggled and told him that she half expected the ring girl to come through with the sign for round three. By this time it was going on 4 in the morning and he had to be at work by 8.
They were snuggling together under the light blanket, when she realized, she had had numerous orgasms, too many to count, she was practically exhausted, and he hadn’t come yet. She wasn’t sure why she asked, but she did. He told her that it wasn’t her. Roxy laughed and told him that she was going to take that the good way since there was really two ways to interpret that statement. He then said that to him, that was a gift. It wasn’t fair because once a man comes, there is always the recovery time, and that was wasting time for more fun. “Speaking of gifts, I have one for you. He was lying on his back, she started at his mouth, trailed kisses down his neck, across his chest, down his stomach, and then, without any warning, she wrapped her mouth around him and sucked all of him in. She was licking up and down his shaft like she was licking an ice cream cone. Slowly she worked her way lower until she had his balls in her mouth. She loved the way they felt. She licked them, sucked on them then worked her way back up to the tip of his cock, where she then teased him like he did her, taking just the tip into her mouth over and over while listening to his breathing, waiting for that exact moment when she took all of him into her mouth again. After a couple of minutes, he pulled her on top of him, so that she slid down on him, wrapping him in the heat and wetness of her pussy. She rode him; then when he least expected it, she lifted herself off and began licking his cock again, tasting both of them, like a cat lapping up cream from a saucer.
"You really need to get some sleep; you have to be at work so much earlier than I do.” He said, “Yeah, you get to go home and go back to bed.” He stretched out on his back while Roxy was lying next to him with her right arm across his chest and her right leg slung across his.
“Mmmmm…..I like falling asleep in your arms. Please don’t take that the wrong way; it is just nice to fall asleep in someone’s arms”. He hugged her closer, if that was humanly possible, and within a few seconds, it seemed, he was asleep.
A few hours later he woke her up with kisses on her neck and shoulders, rolled her over and woke her up the way she loved being woke up, with his cock sliding into her. He was gentle at first, and then picked up the pace. The next thing she knew, it was 7:15 and he had 45 minutes to get to work.
A couple of nights later it was Ladies Night at the bar they frequented and she decided to go up for a couple of drinks. She had already determined that she was going to renegotiate their arrangement. He got there a little after she did, smiling when he saw her. His smile always made her stomach clench, places a little lower clenched up too. Damn, just looking at him made her horny. She knew that she had to talk fast.
She was on her second drink when she told him that she wanted to open negotiations. That she wasn’t satisfied with the 2 or 3 night rule, especially when she knew that if he decided to stick to it, she would only have one more night with him. So, she stated that she had been doing a lot of thinking and thought that they were good for each other, at least in bed, and she wasn’t willing to give that up. So, she proposed the “Friends with benefits” package. He asked her if she would still be alright with it if he wanted to take someone else home. “Of course I would. Look, a couple of failed marriages, several failed relationships and being a social recluse for a few years has made me a little more cautious. Besides, I’m no more looking for a relationship than you are.”
He told her that he would think about it and let her know. By this time the damn cheap whisky that she was drinking was starting to get to her, so she told him that she really had to get home. Like always, she texted him when she got home to let him know that she had made it safe and sound. This night was a little different, she was sick. Never again would she consume that much cheap whiskey, she would stick with what she loved, Jack Daniels.
His response to the text that she was home was answered by this, “Good thing, I was about half expecting you to pull into my driveway and ask for negotiations to begin.” She texted him back “too drunk, waiting for the room to stop spinning or for the puking to begin. I am so sorry.” Then she quickly sent another one, “So is my offer still up for negotiations?” His response, made her so hot and bothered that she was trying to figure out if she could get to his house. It read, “Do you really think you have to ask the guy whose dick your fingers were just wrapped around, if it is UP for negotiations? Yeah I’d say it’s on the table.” She fired back, “It was my mouth that was wrapped around your dick.” He replied, “Your mouth was not, at least not tonight in the parking lot. Nice memory.” He had walked her to her truck, and was wearing jeans with holes in them. She had boldly reached up inside his jeans and grabbed his cock, something that was normally out of character for her. But just being around him made her bolder, more sure of herself, very confident.
She didn’t go over to his house that night, that would have been a really stupid move since nothing she did would stop the room from spinning and stop her stomach from reeling from drinking 5 or maybe even 6 drinks that night. She finally said good night and that was that for the night.
The next day she kept finding funny, but somewhat sexy sayings to send to him. The first one said, “A good friend always makes sure you get home at night with your panties on.” She added, “A friend with benefits takes them off for you.” He thought that was funny. The next one she sent said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me, so roll me over smack my ass and show me that you want me.” He didn’t respond to that one, so she apologized for it, then he told her that he thought it was funny too, but had been to busy to reply.
It was the next night, after Ladies Night that sort of confused her. She had asked him what he was doing and he told her that he was just going to stay in, rent a couple of movies, order a pizza and have a few drinks. Then he asked her if she would like to join him. Not even stopping to think, she told him that she would love to. “What movies are you going to get?”
“Not sure, going to have to see what they have.”
“Ok, well I get off work at 8 and have to run by my apartment for my phone charger, then I will be there by 8:30 or a little after.”
“Sounds like a plan, I will see you then.”
When she stopped to grab her phone charger, she changed shirts. She put on a black cami top with her black and pink bra underneath, he liked that bra, and his eyes always lit up when he saw it, like a kid in a candy store. She also put on “the boots”, as they were called now. She still knew that in the back of his mind, they would always be his “fuck me” boots, and no one else’s.
Roxy knew that thinking about this night required one more drink, it confused her. While fixing her third vodka and orange juice, she remembered his kisses when he answered the door to let her in. Just thinking about it made her tremble with desire. “Damn it!” she mumbled under her breath. The reason for the confusion was, why on earth would he go to so much trouble for her? He hadn’t ordered the pizza yet because he didn’t know what kind she liked, good thing, she is allergic to pepperoni and onions, and it wouldn’t have been a good thing if he had ordered something with tons of pepperoni on it, she was out of her Benadryl. The other thing was that he didn’t think that she would drink the kind of whiskey he did, which was Maker’s Mark, so he had bought her a fifth of Jack Daniels. The movie that he had chosen was Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans, a movie she had just been dying to see. If this was just sex and fun, why did this night feel like a kind of date? Ok, sure, they weren’t going out, they were staying in, so she knew that there would definitely be sex, but he ordered her favorite pizza, Italian Sausage with extra cheese. They waited until the pizza got there to start the movie, but were talking about movies and music, and kissing and touching, she knew that if this kept up, they wouldn’t get through the movie. He started the movie, and they ate their pizza.
She got to see about 15 minutes of the movie before their clothes were flying. (Somehow her bra ended up on the other side of the room.) They were both naked and he had her legs wrapped around him, when he told her to hang on tightly. He easily lifted her up and carried her into his bed, she was already coming with the anticipation of what she knew was yet to come. That night, she gave as much as he did, learning the places on his body that made him squirm under her touch. She used a feather touch with her fingers to make him gasp with desire combined with her mouth and body; they made love practically all night. The next morning he told her where he had an extra toothbrush and they had sex again. (This thought made her wonder if he still had that toothbrush. He told her it would be there for her. More confusion.)
She left his house a little after 10 am and headed home to get a little sleep, which never happened, too much to do.
It was almost a week before they could hook up again. They both were extremely busy, but she wanted to see him before he left to go out of town, and she had to go get her daughter who was coming home for the summer. They both knew that it could be a while before they could get together again. Those texts were nice too.
“I’m getting my daughter on Saturday!! I am so excited.”
“Is it permanent or just for a while?”
“Just 2 months, for the summer, but I will have to share her with her friends.”
“Do you think that she would share you with me some evenings?”
“Probably, she wants to meet you, she is totally fascinated by your tattoos.”
“I think that I could let her check out the tattoos if she will share you with me.”
Remembering this conversation brought on a fresh wave of tears for something that she knew she had fucked up. That last night they had spent together was more than she could ever imagine, but the whole time, she kept feeling as if it were good-bye. And now, in retrospect, she realized that maybe it was.
So for now, she was waiting…waiting because she had put the ball into his court. It was his move. She had calmly explained to him that if she had the balls to tell him, KNOWING how he would react, then she had the balls to let him know if she was developing feelings again and would just text him and say, “I’ll catch you in a few days. I’ll talk to you later.” That would be their code that she was getting too close and needed to step back and gain perspective on the situation again, then they could go back to the way they liked it. She knew that she had the strength to do this, he had given her that strength, and he was worth it.
Let the waiting begin. She will still cry tears of absolute anguish knowing that he is worth every bit of emotion she feels for him. She would wait, hoping that one day the walls he had so carefully constructed around his heart to not feel love would crumble down, and he would realize that she was the one responsible and come back to her. If he didn’t, then she would chalk it up to the best two weeks of her life, and hopefully they could still be friends.
Not the end….just waiting for the next chapter in Roxy’s life to begin.
